Single at 28
I am single. I have been for awhile. Now that's not to say I haven't had boyfriend and haven't been dating guys here and there, but nothing really sticks. I am a hopeless romantic. I want to be loved and love someone with all of my heart and vis versa. That seems like the best thing I could ever ask for. But so far, that just hasn't been in the cards for me.
I love my family, and I love every one of my friends and people I run into here and there. I KNOW from the bottom of my heart that people who ask if I've met anyone, or if there is someone special in my life, are genuinely curious and with good intentions. I believe they truly want me to find that love that they have found -- and trust me I want to find it too. However, (and I know this is a personal issue within myself) I feel I let people down every time I tell them that no, there is no one...still.
I have tried online dating, from dating apps to paying for online dating sites that have the reputation to be very good. I have put in my time and emotions into dating around and seeing what is out there. I have learned that this way of dating, isn't for me. I think WAY too much into every little detail of it all. I don't just let it happen like it does when you just meet someone by chance. Where the chemistry is already there and you know if you are attracted to them, and you've had conversations so it's more about seeing if it can develop into more. I am more open to blind dates from being set up by people that know both of us, just because that seems more reasonable and I'm taken out of the equation of making the decision (haha).
Ya know, I don't want to settle, and refuse to, but yet I want to have that happily ever after. It is exhausting and frustrating -- and painful. Being single, dating, being lonely. Especially around the holidays. There really isn't much more that I want then to have someone to share this time of year with, and be excited to share more of the holidays with. Now, don't get me wrong I have a wonderful life. Seriously the only thing that is missing in my life is that I don't have someone special to share it with. I have a wonderful family and amazing friend, I have a house and am in a great place (surprisingly) mentally, but who doesn't want their someone special? Someone who is curious about your day, wants to make sure you are having a good day, make it home safe, and doing okay when you are sick? I want to be wanted. Wanted for my crazy weirdness, my uncontrollable love for Christmas, the way some days I just want to lay on my couch and not do a damn thing. And I don't want this just for a short period of time anymore, I want to be chosen day in and day out.
If you are someone who has gotten the nitty gritty of my dating life, you pretty much know that A) I try very hard B) once I'm done, I am done C) I get screwed over more times than not. Now, this comes in many different forms. I will be honest, there have been men (maybe I should say boys) that I have dated that it's good it ended and I am thankful that it did. And to be honest, it was probably even my fault I got screwed over, because either I was naive or blinded by my feelings for the person. For the record, that was before counseling. Now since counseling I have still been screwed over.
I am no saint, I am not perfect, I overreact, and my biggest fault is that I overthink everything. But that being said it is never with ill intentions. When things end, per the other person, I take it pretty hard. I always have, and probably always will. I have still made strives at being better with this as well. It takes me a little longer to come to terms with it, if I was interested in the guy. Anyway, whether it's been bad timing, the guy not wanting anything serious, him needing to get mentally in a good place, or it just not being there on his side, it is what it is. But, it's hard. Typically, how it's been handled is far less than ideal. Which seems to be where I get screwed over. And because mostly it falls in the he's not in the place mentally, or he realizes he doesn't want anything serious. That kind of bullshit. Which will then make you think that it's more you than him. Or it's how he goes about handling the situation. Men are idiots. I just have bad luck and I am sticking to that. Because of that, is why I overthink and overreact. Why do I start worrying because I haven't heard from you in a day and a half? Because I've been 'ghosted' before, etc. There is a reason I am reacting the way that I am.
Okay, rant over. (For now). That paragraph ended up, not how I thought it would. But I think it is important for people to read it. Because I do think it shows a side that I don't talk too much about to a lot of people. Mostly just to my girlfriends and some close guy friends. I like to be that 'strong' friend to people. I put on a strong face, even when it comes to dating. When someone asks about if I am seeing someone, I act like it's no big deal that I am single. I'll shrug it off, and act like it is no big deal. Or that it will happen when it is suppose to. I would be lying if I said that there is no doubt in my mind. I have doubt pretty much daily about it. I want kids some day, I want to find the love of my life. Yes I am only 28 but at the same time, when everyone is married and having kids around you -- how do you not question it?
I love my family, and I love every one of my friends and people I run into here and there. I KNOW from the bottom of my heart that people who ask if I've met anyone, or if there is someone special in my life, are genuinely curious and with good intentions. I believe they truly want me to find that love that they have found -- and trust me I want to find it too. However, (and I know this is a personal issue within myself) I feel I let people down every time I tell them that no, there is no one...still.
I have tried online dating, from dating apps to paying for online dating sites that have the reputation to be very good. I have put in my time and emotions into dating around and seeing what is out there. I have learned that this way of dating, isn't for me. I think WAY too much into every little detail of it all. I don't just let it happen like it does when you just meet someone by chance. Where the chemistry is already there and you know if you are attracted to them, and you've had conversations so it's more about seeing if it can develop into more. I am more open to blind dates from being set up by people that know both of us, just because that seems more reasonable and I'm taken out of the equation of making the decision (haha).
Ya know, I don't want to settle, and refuse to, but yet I want to have that happily ever after. It is exhausting and frustrating -- and painful. Being single, dating, being lonely. Especially around the holidays. There really isn't much more that I want then to have someone to share this time of year with, and be excited to share more of the holidays with. Now, don't get me wrong I have a wonderful life. Seriously the only thing that is missing in my life is that I don't have someone special to share it with. I have a wonderful family and amazing friend, I have a house and am in a great place (surprisingly) mentally, but who doesn't want their someone special? Someone who is curious about your day, wants to make sure you are having a good day, make it home safe, and doing okay when you are sick? I want to be wanted. Wanted for my crazy weirdness, my uncontrollable love for Christmas, the way some days I just want to lay on my couch and not do a damn thing. And I don't want this just for a short period of time anymore, I want to be chosen day in and day out.
If you are someone who has gotten the nitty gritty of my dating life, you pretty much know that A) I try very hard B) once I'm done, I am done C) I get screwed over more times than not. Now, this comes in many different forms. I will be honest, there have been men (maybe I should say boys) that I have dated that it's good it ended and I am thankful that it did. And to be honest, it was probably even my fault I got screwed over, because either I was naive or blinded by my feelings for the person. For the record, that was before counseling. Now since counseling I have still been screwed over.
I am no saint, I am not perfect, I overreact, and my biggest fault is that I overthink everything. But that being said it is never with ill intentions. When things end, per the other person, I take it pretty hard. I always have, and probably always will. I have still made strives at being better with this as well. It takes me a little longer to come to terms with it, if I was interested in the guy. Anyway, whether it's been bad timing, the guy not wanting anything serious, him needing to get mentally in a good place, or it just not being there on his side, it is what it is. But, it's hard. Typically, how it's been handled is far less than ideal. Which seems to be where I get screwed over. And because mostly it falls in the he's not in the place mentally, or he realizes he doesn't want anything serious. That kind of bullshit. Which will then make you think that it's more you than him. Or it's how he goes about handling the situation. Men are idiots. I just have bad luck and I am sticking to that. Because of that, is why I overthink and overreact. Why do I start worrying because I haven't heard from you in a day and a half? Because I've been 'ghosted' before, etc. There is a reason I am reacting the way that I am.
Okay, rant over. (For now). That paragraph ended up, not how I thought it would. But I think it is important for people to read it. Because I do think it shows a side that I don't talk too much about to a lot of people. Mostly just to my girlfriends and some close guy friends. I like to be that 'strong' friend to people. I put on a strong face, even when it comes to dating. When someone asks about if I am seeing someone, I act like it's no big deal that I am single. I'll shrug it off, and act like it is no big deal. Or that it will happen when it is suppose to. I would be lying if I said that there is no doubt in my mind. I have doubt pretty much daily about it. I want kids some day, I want to find the love of my life. Yes I am only 28 but at the same time, when everyone is married and having kids around you -- how do you not question it?
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